Colt is a year old now, so the frequency in which I’m asked, “So when are you going to have another?” has steadily increased.

It’s nothing against Colt, in fact, it’s because of him, Mike and I have said we’re good with just him. He’s been a great kid. My pregnancy was enjoyable and without any concerns. Labor and delivery was as smooth as I could ask for. Besides a little jaundice, and the occasional virus, he’s been healthy. And he’s been a pretty well behaved kid. 

If anything, Colt is making me a better person.

I won’t deny that I had a temper growing up. Not so much as a young kid, but as a teen, and young adult, I was kind of an asshole. I still have issues with my temper, but not like before.

It took time to not let work stuff get me riled up. Sometimes deadlines get pushed, sometimes your stuck without the resources you need, sometimes your just stuck dealing with stupid. And Mike told me early on to leave that nonsense at the office. There was no sense in letting it ruin my night if there was nothing I could do about it. And that’s when I also adopted the motto, “it’s not rocket surgery” (yes a play with the two common phrases). You do your best with the time you’ve got.

I used to get angry at Mike and I’d be ready for a good argument and he’d never give me one. And that used to infuriate me even more. But now I try to respect him, I try to refocus, and then I try to communicate why I’m upset. Screaming and yelling doesn’t do any good, if the other person isn’t listening.

So I’ll admit, that there are times that Colt tests my patience. And it’s easy to get upset when he doesn’t want to nap,  when he flings his food around, when he fights getting dressed, or my new favorite, fussing when I try to brush his teeth. And it’s hard. It’s hard not to take it personally. It’s hard not to feel like a failure. It’s hard not to worry that your son will grow up to think you’re awful, or that your husband will think your a bitch.

I hear the stories from other moms about colicky babies, babies that won’t sleep, babies that have trouble with nursing/formula/allergies. I see your picky eaters, your nap time meltdowns, the kids that hit and bite. And I’m not saying that Colt will never be that kid. He already has his moments. But for the sake of me, for my sanity, for Mike’s, I think our family size is just right. 

Heck, I could probably come up with 100 reasons why not to have another kid.  And I can come up with some really good reasons to have another kid too. But right now, it’s just not in the cards.

Now, who wants to buy some of these infant things I don’t need!


One thought on “Patience

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