I read this post the other day, The Parenting Cliché I Cannot Stand. The author shares my same sentiment. Motherhood is amazing, but I don’t have to like it all.
Since Colt was about 4 months old, he’s been sleeping through the night, nearly every night. And since 5 months, he’s been sleeping in his own room in his crib.
At around 8pm every night we start getting ready for bed. He gets a diaper change, his jammies on, and we ‘brush his teeth’. His daddy usually takes him outside and they spend time together. Around 8:30, or 9, he’ll have his last bottle rocking in our arms. He’ll be just sleepy enough that when we lay him down he’ll wiggle around into the most comfortable position.
And until last week, this was working out well for all of us.
Last week Colt started waking up in the middle of the night. Anywhere from midnight to 4am. Sometimes once, sometimes more. He wakes up, not crying, but moaning/yelling.
At first, I was rushing in trying to calm the situation as quick as possible. But it was difficult to determine why he was waking up. He refused to be settled without a bottle. Which is always my last trick. I don’t want Colt getting used to the midnight snacks, especially when he then refuses breakfast, but if he’s hungry, I’m not going to let him starve.
But unlike previous times he was waking up, now it was getting difficult to get Colt back to sleep. I’d give him his bottle, he’d drink a few ounces to take the edge off, and he’d start to settle into sleep in my arms, but as soon as I laid him down, he’d start the yelling again.
Of course all the things would run through my head. Was he starting to become aware that we weren’t there? Did he need a night light? Was it gas? A growth spurt? Something he ate? Something I ate?
Admittedly, it was starting to weigh on my nerves. There was one night, suffering with my own stuffy nose, Colt woke up. I let him moan a bit to see if he’d fall back to sleep. Nope. And with a heavy sigh, I climbed out of bed. I made up a bottle, and settled into the rocking chair ready for the fight. He ate. He fell asleep. I laid him back down. Ehhhhh….. Ehhhhh…..
I walked away.
I walked back into our bedroom, climbed into bed and grumbled, “I give up! I fed him, and apparently I’m the asshole who doesn’t want to sleep in a rocking chair all night!”
Thankfully, the moaning stopped.
I have a hard time complaining about the few times in the past 3 months that Colt hasn’t slept through the night. I know I’m lucky. I know there are mom’s who fight with the sleep situation long into the toddler stage.
And yes, I sit in the dark room, I rock my sweet little boy. The limited light making his smooth skin angelic. I reflect on how great the day was. Kiss his cheeks, forehead, and rest my cheek in his soft hair.
But I don’t have to like waking up at 3am. And I can grumble about it. Just like I don’t have to feel guilty that I let someone else feed him and change those diapers all day. It makes me appreciate all the time I do spend with him. I love my little guy.