With +/- 20 days left before my due date, I can’t help but reflect back on the past 9 months.
Watching, more like feeling, this little bug grow each week has been a delight. Feeling those first little tickles from within, to the visual kicks lately will certainly be a joy of pregnancy I’ll miss. Every little hiccup and squirm have been a reminder of the amazing biological science taking place.
Learning about how he’s growing into the little human that I am so excited to meet has been fascinating. His tiny little cells merging and splitting into 3 sets of kidneys. His heart forming the tiny little chambers, that beat at a rate of over 130 beats per minute. His tiny face forming the eyes, ears, lips and nose that will have friends and family exclaiming, “he looks just like you!”
Sure there have been things about pregnancy that have been unexpected and unwanted, like the fact that I’m typing out this post with hands that are sore, and fingers that are numb, thanks to the recent addition of carpel tunnel. But even the icky parts haven’t been so bad.
There have been days I’ve woken up feeling famished, ate a delicious breakfast, only to up chuck it shortly after. There have been nights I never thought I’d sleep again thanks to painful hips and frequent trips to the bathroom. And cold winter days where being bundled up in a coat, boots, and gloves have made it exhausting just trying to get into the car.
But then there are these moments where I find myself sitting in the nursery, dog at my feet, and Mike nearby and there’s just this calm excitement looking at all the things and ensuring each other that were ready.
The other day, Mike was talking with the neighbor about when it “hit him” that he was going to be a dad, and he admitted that it was about 6 months after that little blue line appeared. He said he was feeling ready and excited. I laughed and said, “I’m glad one of us is ready, cause I’m still shitting bricks!”
It’s a weird emotion. I feel physically ready, and I can’t wait to hold him against me and look into those tiny eyes. And I imagine the song, “Here Comes the Sun” being softly hummed to my new tiny little boy. But I do still have that tiny little voice in the back of my mind asking, “Are you really ready to care for another human being that will be completely counting on you for all of his needs!?” And it’s a little scary.
But I remind myself every day, that life is full of life lessons to prepare us for parenthood. That it’s not something new. It’s been occurring since the dawn of time, for billions of creatures and we haven’t broke the system yet. I remind myself that it’s about instinct, common sense, and nature. And I get the bonus of being educated, and having resources and support of friends and family.
Parenting will be new for Mike and I. But it’ll be ok. I’ve watched Mike’s heart ache whenever Diesel has been sick. I’ve watched him teaching kids with calm, patience and excitement. I’ve seen the way kids eyes light up when he walks in the room. I know he’s going to be a great dad. And I get excited when I think of all the things I’ll teach my little guy; from digging for worms, trips to museums, reading books, and simply narrating life as we go through it day by day.
I’m looking forward to a new chapter in life. Heck, it’s a whole new book.
I’ll try to keep posting these last few days. Thanks again for reading!