My Roller Derby Family Tree

I have talked about how much I adore my roller derby family (like here for instance, or here even).  I think many of you know just how awesome it is to have so many amazing people in your life. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Roller Derby Saved My Soul.

One thing that I had no clue about before I joined were the extra special bonds you’ll form over time. And I am talking about derby wives (or husbands), and derby moms (or dads even).

My Derby Hubby
When I first joined DDG back in the summer of 2011, I was adamant about not taking a derby wife.  Derby wives are usually a relationship amongst skaters.  Urban Dictionary defines a derby wife as “A roller derby soul mate, the woman who you knew from the first second that you’d been separated at birth, who will hold your hair when you throw up after drinking too much, arrange bail, ride in the ambulance with you and set your real husband straight on the Derby world.”  I do not usually get a long with women well enough to enter into a life long relationship with one.  Thankfully for me, the best guy in the derbyverse skated into my life and by the following summer, we were married at our annual award/end of the season party, The Rollies.

Mayor & I the day I knew we were BFFs

Mayor & I the day I knew we were BFFs

We get eachother little gifts on special occasions. We talk pretty much every day. And I know I can count on him for pretty much anything. Whether its a hug, a beer, or just a good laugh.  Not to mention, he’s pretty good at the eye sex when he’s Jam Reffing and I am Score Keeping. Oh and he has a nice butt.

My Derby Daddy
Thanks to the amazing combination of time travel and booze, it only makes sense that the Grandfather of Roller Derby Statistics himself, AK 40 oz. would be my Derby Daddy. I have him to thank for most of what I know as an NSO. And I know he has much more knowledge to pass down and share.

AK 40 oz. & I

AK 40 oz. & I

And when you’re talking about AK 40 oz, its hard not to mention Big Poppa Razzi.  We may call him Poppa but for me he fits the bill of a wise (and wise-cracking) Uncle. I have always found our conversations to be light-hearted, informative, and encouraging. Thanks for treating me like an equal, Razzi.

My 2 Derby Moms
And you can’t have dads without moms. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Me: Ok AK, if you’re my dad, than who’s my mom?
AK: Cookie,of course. It’s like you’re the perfect meld of NSO and Skater Greatness…
Me: Except I can’t skate.

And I am not at all opposed to having the one and only Cookie Rumble as my Derby Mom.  She’s funny, caring, and an amazing skater.

(Note: I should really get a picture with me and Cookie. Imagine one here.)

But like most parents these days, they had to split up to make it work even better, and thanks to that I have one hell of a step-mom, Terror Ettes.  When I first met my future step-mother, I have to admit I was concerned for her life.  She’s crazy, she’s loud, but she is also one of the sweetest people you will ever meet.

Terror Ettes & I

Terror Ettes & I

There is no doubt in my mind that the friendships I have made in derby, and I mean even those not listed above, will last a life time.  They are all my sisters, my brothers, mentors, my friends and more than that they’re family.

Edit: And I nearly forgot to mention… I can barely make it out of practice without a million hugs first.  Sweaty, smelly hugs, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything!


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