Let’s get serious for a minute.
My name is Jennifer. I am 5’2″ and weigh 195 lbs. I wear a size 16. The last time I wore anything in the single digits was before I graduated high school. As a matter of fact, the dress I bought to wear under my gown was a size 10. That was the first thing I ever had to buy in the double digits and I remember crying about it then.
From a young age, elementary age even, I remember being self conscious about not being as athletic as the other kids. I remember thinking that my butt stuck out too far, and that my belly was fat. I asked for dance lessons once, not because I wanted the exercise, but because that’s what all the girls in school were doing, but my family couldn’t afford it. My next attempt at doing something “athletic” wouldn’t be until middle school.
In 6th grade I attended one day of volleyball tryouts. I easily convinced myself that my mother needed me home after school to watch my kid sisters and a sport would take up too much of my time. I later joined the drama club.
It was also in middle school that I started a bad eating habit that I struggle with to this day. Heck, actually there are at least two bad habits that started then. I started drinking a lot of pop and I started eating secretly.
I was self-conscious about my weight, and was afraid to eat in front of my friends and especially in front of boys. For the next six years I would nibble on a bagel for lunch or pick at my friends fries, only once in a great while would I cave and eat chicken nuggets when they were available. I was terrified that if someone saw me eating, that they would think I was a pig, and they would make fun of me for it.
Thankfully at that time I had the metabolism of a typical teenager and I could get away with it. My only activity at the time would be riding my bike or walking around town to meet up with my friends. Even in gym class I tried to do as little as possible. I was never a strong kid. I rarely got anything above average on the President’s Fitness Test each year.
After high school I started gaining weight. I was living with two older boys that could eat anything and would usually eat all of the food I bought for the house. I was going to college part time and working full time in an office. Convenience foods became the norm. I would rush out at lunch with my best friend for the sake of getting out of the office. On my way to class at night, it was a quick stop at some fast food place to tide me over. And then there were always a few trips to the vending machine throughout the day.
I remember thinking I had a problem when I would order some meal deal and need to add another food item to satisfy myself. Exercise at the time included sporadic trips to the gym and the losing company softball team. Needless to say, the calories were adding up. I blamed it on the birth control I was taking.
Now I am 30. I have been this weight for most of my adult years. There was a brief few months about 5 years ago when I paid a crap ton of money to Medical Weight Loss Clinic and I lost 30 lbs. Once I stopped the 3 times a day protein supplements, I gained it all back. I am also notorious for eating bad stuff when Mike isn’t around. If he doesn’t see it, then it can’t be bad right?
Today, I met with a friend and fellow league mate, Kracken Whips. She was in my shoes not so long ago. She fought hard, and she lost the weight, and she’s a beast on the track. She recently started training other derby girls at her house while she works on getting certified.
How many times can you start over? I guess as many as it takes. I am scheduled to meet with Kracken twice a week for the next month at least, and she’ll be giving me homework to do in between. We’re focusing mainly on the aerobic, and just shedding the weight for now.
My first goal is to lose as much as I can by June for the fitting of my bridesmaid dress. And my second goal is to be a healthy weight at the start of next year when Mike and I start working on our family. I will do my best to keep you all posted on my efforts.